17 Mile Drive

This past weekend, I went on a trip with my friend Junkyu to the San Francisco area.  I had never been before, aside from the airport and have always wanted to go.  It was a short trip, but it was amazing.  The first day, we drove over to the Google headquarters and that was an incredible experience that I will write about later.  The point of this post comes from my drive down to Pebble Beach through Monterey.

In between Monterey and Pebble Beach is the famous "17 Mile Drive".  I could have driven this for days.  It was one of the prettiest things I have ever seen.  I love golf more than anything and I pulled over like 100 times to take pictures of the courses, homes, forests, and the ocean.  Pictures and writing will never do it justice, it is just incredible and must be viewed in person.

While driving, I thought to myself of what it must be like to live at a place like this.  I definitely want to someday.  I think most people do.  It was everything I want in a neighborhood and life when I am older and much more successful.  A vintage, classy-one of a kind home nestled in the woods, next to the ocean and a golf course.  Sounds like heaven.  I sure hope heaven is like that ha ha, but serious.  The more I drove, the more I thought, "Well, if this is what you want, are you on the path to get it?"  I feel like I have worked hard and I am grateful for where I am at now, but to be honest, I think the answer is "No".  I'm sure we all feel like this sometimes, maybe it is just me and the 2 readers that I get a month are thinking, "This guy is an arrogant son of a gun".  But . . .here it goes . . I am just going to write as it comes . . .

You know in Disney movies, where the main character (the awesome hero) has that moment when he/she feels like there is more out there and feels like he/she is meant for something more?  I felt like that during this trip.  It is funny, because I feel like my life in Logan, UT is awesome.  I love working for Utah State University and doing my design business on the side, but I just felt like I was exposed to more out there this past weekend!  I FEEL like there is more out there.  Most of my friends got their degrees, got married, got a stable job, bought a home, and started having kids.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  That is the American Dream!  I'm happy for my friends that have done that and sometimes I wish I was on that path, but I haven't truly wanted that.  I've wanted to be different, stand out, and do something big.  Not because I feel like I am better, but just because I was never interested in that life.  I want to do something big and different, and my own.  I want to make an impact on the world and make a difference.  I can totally see my mom telling me, "And you think having a family isn't going to make an impact on the world?".  Yes, I do.  I'm sure it's the best thing I can do.  I would love to fall in love, get married, and have children . . .but . . .I want to travel, meet new people, experience new cultures, AND . . . I want to do or be a part of something big.  I believe that I can do it all.  For someone who is truly not gifted at any one thing, I must sound like the ultimate jackass, but why not?  I want to live the best life I can.

My biggest fear is settling.  I can't stand people that settle.  One big frustration I have working for a university is that they don't fire anyone.  If people suck, they just get shifted around.  If you work hard and excel, you don't get rewarded.  At times, I feel like it is the ultimate workplace for people that want a safe bet.  I don't want a safe bet.  I want to take a gamble on myself. I think we all should.  I believe the man upstairs wants us to be successful.  I truly do.

My favorite character in any movie is William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) in Meet Joe Black.  William is at the end of his remarkable life and Death comes to take him, but before He does, He wants to learn from William and walk in his shoes.  Death comes disguised as a human (Brad Pitt) and names himself, Joe Black.  Joe follows William around and learns from him for a few days.  At William's last night before he dies, he looks over at Joe Black and says, "Do I have anything to fear?" Joe looks at William and says, "Not a man like you."  That gives me goosebumps.

That's what I want!  I want to live a life with no regrets.  To make a difference.  To look back at my life and be so proud of what I have left behind.  I want to be challenged, proved, and I want to conquer.  I want to push myself and do something great.  Is that too much to ask?

I feel like this every now and then.  Restless.  It usually comes after I have traveled.  I try to learn something from every trip I go on.  This one feels different.  We'll see.  Ultimately, my strongest desire is to reach my potential and do God's will.  I guess if I have this mindset, that is the most important thing.  There is no way I can settle if this truly is my desire.

(By the way, while I was writing this last part, I was listening to Farewell song from "Pocahontas".  It is the best!  It's my journal jam.  If you want a good ponder song, I highly recommend it.)

Thanks for reading.